Have you ever just allowed yourself to be alone? Gloriously, independently alone?
I am a people pleaser who always tries to fill conversation gaps, help everyone feel comfortable, listen when they complain. Commiserate when they are sad and party hard when they are happy. However, this need can leave me seriously depleted of energy and often drained beyond my comfort level.
I often feel like I have no purpose when I am alone. I often give in to my bone deep exhaustion and go have a nap, when I have a quiet moment. I feel edgy if I don’t have someone to converse with and often give in to my need and go onto one of the social media webpages and browse. Often having conversations in private messenger.
Now please don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that and I have a couple of friends who are incredible and chatting to them is the highlight of my day. But I need to learn to get comfortable with the silence in between and to figure out how to have a social life, without getting drained.
There are no quick fix chargers for humans, so a flat battery, or soul is not a good thing. I have to experiment and find things that charge me. I found out that dancing in the rain has an awesome charge and cuddling with my daughter is a great boost, but I need to find more.
I also need to figure out how to get comfortable being alone. Coping with the silence, quietening my screaming mind and enjoying me.
In order for me to be authentic, real and fully charged, I need to embrace myself. Make friends with me, give Debbie the time, energy and love, she so freely hands out to everyone but herself.
Growing to love the soft warm feeling I create inside, by giving myself empathy, love, understanding and the quiet alone time, I not only deserve, but need, is absolutely vital to my survival.